Did you know that someone can figure out which websites you look at if they have access to your wifi connection? Or, I think they can. I’m no tech guru, but I’m pretty sure that this information is accurate. So, my brand new blog, my fresh start, my heart-wrenching decision to abandon my old blog with its history and my heart on its pages, is in vain because I’m 99% certain that someone has found this blog now, too. Do you know what it is to not even be entitled to keeping your thoughts private from those you don’t choose to disclose them to? I know I have the option of keeping my blog secret. I know this (might) solve the problem. (Might because he’s managed to hack me in the past so I don’t know that even this would fix the issue.) But I’m very much someone who needs connection.
I don’t want to switch up blogs again. I’m not sure how to handle this. Write what I feel, allow vulnerability, be who I am and just power through whatever comes of it? Go private and just stuff down the need to have a community? Stop the words…? If you know me personally, you know that this is unfathomable. But I’m feeling cornered. Harassed. Stalked. I have very little that’s only mine and I don’t think it’s asking too much to want my words for me.
My heart hurts today. I don’t know that God is hearing my unspoken prayers and I’m struggling. I needed to write about that. And here we are.